Adore Delano followed me on Twitter once, but not anymore. Adore Delano was flying high up in the atmosphere, with her cell phone turned off (I know because she tweeted that she didn’t want to turn it off)…meanwhile, I was down here on Land, losing my shit all over the place because RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 6 contender ADORE DELANO WAS FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER.
ME. Sophia. @glitter_bruises on Twitter. Me. She….followed me.
It all started over on the Glitter & Bruises Facebook page (right HERE) when my lifelong friend Zaff mentioned how she loved Adore Delano’s facial expressions. I SO agree with Zaff. In fact–one of the hobbies I’ve taken up since Ron and I split is Perfecting Adore Delano’s Facial Expressions.
Walking around with Adore Delano Face has really lifted my spirits, boosted my confidence, and makes me feel sexy as hell.
YEAH. So what if I’m a 33 year old single mom livin’ with my parents? When I put my Adore Delano Face on, I strut my saucy MILF ass through my parents’ house LIKE A BOSS MERMAID.
(Actually, when I think of a strutting mermaid…)
On that particular day, I felt inspired to TWEET Adore Delano that lovely picture (above) that I Photoshopped a l’il quote on to. Just a little “heyyyyyyy gurl, jus thinkin’ aboutchu.”
Fast forward a couple hours or so. I’m pokin’ around on Facebook and my friend Teal posts a link to a t-shirt. This t-shirt has a shamrock on it. Upon closer inspection, I see the shamrock is actually made up of beer mugs.
(I think. Actually, I don’t remember. It was last month. All I know is that it reminded me of an Irish beer drinker that I know.)
Yes–that’s the important part. Shamrocks and Beer.
This Shamrocks and Beer t-shirt reminded me of another friend of mine, Adam. And–just like I tweeted Adore Delano earlier, I clicked “share” on the t-shirt link with my Irish, Beer-enjoying friend that I’ve known since junior high.
What did I write when I shared that Shamrock Beer shirt? Word-for-word, I’m not sure. Here’s a general recap: Hey, look at this t-shirt. This t-shirt is perfect for you. You need this t-shirt. Hey, it’s your birthday next month and I would totally get you this t-shirt, but my life is crap and I have no job and no money to buy you this t-shirt! I also have no clients yet for my Drag Queen Sweat Shop/Costume Emporium, but maybe next year I’ll be getting paid to make dresses for drag queens…
(Side note: If you are new to Glitter & Bruises, check out my blog post HERE about how I decided my calling in life was to make dresses for drag queens.)
HERE’S THE THING YOU GUYS.
I had JUST finished typing out “dresses for drag queens” and my finger was maybe, MAYBE 1/4″ away from pushing “SEND” when my phone vibrated with such force…that my eyes immediately went to the top of my Samsung Galaxy S II just in time to read a notification that ADORE DELANO WAS FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER.
OHMAHGAWD. My soul had an orgasm. My knees buckled. My eyes rolled back in my head. My breathing was heavy, raspy, and inconsistent. I MEAN OHMAHGAWD—to this day, I don’t think Adam OR Adore Delano realize they were involved in a spiritual ménage à trois.
What are the chances that I would get an alert that a drag queen was following me on Twitter at the exact moment I was light-heartedly explaining (whining, even?) to my friend that I couldn’t afford a t-shirt because my Drag Queen Sweat Shop/Costume Emporium didn’t have any drag queen clients yet?
This was not the first time that my soul has been awakened by the Universe. This was, by far, one of the most shocking and unexpected moments of synchronicity I have ever experienced. For a few moments, I couldn’t even comprehend WHO was following me… I was so fixated on how the Universe reinforced the idea that I had put into the atmosphere….. I want to make dresses for drag queens. The Universe is supporting me and encouraging me to do this.
Naturally, once I digested what the hell just happened…I lost my shit. Everywhere. But worst of all, I lost my shit all over Facebook. LIKE PUBLICLY YOU GUYS. On Adam’s Facebook page, since it was open on my phone already.
I’m not sure what I wrote–it’s vague and fuzzy and incoherent and had nothing to do with Shamrocks and Beer. My best guess is that it was something along the lines of:
OMG ADAM GUESS WHAT ADORE DELANO JUST STARTED FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING. OMG. LIKE JUST AS I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY DRAG QUEEN SWEAT SHOP AND I’M BROKE AND HAVE NO MONEY NO JOB OMG DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH BLAH BLAH ARE YOU HEARING ME IT’S A SIGN OMG I’M DYING NOPE I’M DEAD THIS IS WHAT I WAS MEANT TO DO LIKE SHE STARTED FOLLOWING ME JUST AS I TYPED THAT OUT TO YOU. I CANNOT EVEN GO ON. :::dry hump everything:::
After creaming all over Adam’s Facebook page, I continued my Euphoria Bukkake.
Hours later (plus a couple of “chillax” pills)….I made a sobering discovery. Adore Delano was no longer following me on Twitter. I’ll never know for sure what happened, but I have a hypothesis. I believe Adore Delano was following Good Social Media Etiquette and meant to “favorite” my tweet, but accidentally hit the “follow” icon which is so darn close to the “favorite” star.
ADORE DELANO FAT-FINGERED ME. And just like so many other, um….life experiences–it was amazing when it happened, but afterwards I just felt sad, lonely, and rejected. #weepwoe
I knew what I had to do. I had to attention-whore myself.
Well… So far, she hasn’t taken the MerBait. But I know it’s not personal! She had to turn her phone off when she was on a flight. These mix-ups and miscommunications happen.
I WILL WIN HER BACK.
I WILL WIN THE HEART OF ADORE DELANO.