Check out the wallpaper behind me. It’s so old, it’s actually kind of pimp. I am blogging to you today–a quick little bloggity-blog update–live from my new (temporary) Command Central….my brother’s childhood bedroom. My laptop
sits on his old bureau sits on a table length doily that spans the length of his bureau.
My butt rests on the upholstered, plastic covered seat of my old desk chair. It’s like a chair-chair. Not a comfy, spinny, squishy, goes-up-and-down desk chair. It’s a chair. It has one position. Uncomfortable.
My legs are either tucked under me… Or twisted in such a way that my knees are against the bureau drawer (I swear that’s how they got bruised)… Or straddled across the chair as if I’m a Blogger/Equestrian.
Oh, and my mousepad is a Where’s Waldo book. That’s kinda cool.
I am closing in on my Fourth. Week. Here.
But I’m like…kicking ass. Doing awesome. Being happy. Staying positive.
I’m like SO many other people who have feelings and read quotes on Pinterest and breathe a sigh of relief and tell myself I’m going to be OK and it’s just a matter of changing my attitude towards the situation. Or it’s a matter of choosing to be happy. Or choosing to be positive. Whatever. Just choose a feeling, and feel it.
It’s simple and complicated at the same time. Because the heart and the mind have to feel so many other feelings before one can choose to be happy. Happiness and Anger can’t co-exist.
So, at first…there was lots of anger and hatred. But most of those bad feelings vanished once I faced this truth: I can’t control what people think and believe based on what they know and what they think they know.
That’s a powerful truth right there.
I blocked my husband’s entire family and group of friends on Facebook right after the split. It probably makes me look like a Supreme Bitch. It probably caused some hurt feelings. I understand that my decision to do that will probably sever some relationships for good.
In actuality–when two folks are married and very angry and hateful towards each other, there exists a possibility that someone is going to try to use the “I’m Going For Full Custody Because I’m So Mad At You That I’m Going To Destroy You” angle. Or the “LOOK At That Pic Of You With A Beer, You Are A Parent And You’re Well Over The Legal Drinking Age But That Beer In Your Hand Proves How Unfit You Are” angle.
Hey–I’m incredibly sorry to anyone who felt angry and hurt by what I did. I would hope that anyone–especially a parent–would understand the motivation behind my choice (as the biological mother of a scared and confused five year old little boy). It was Operation Keep Things As Normal And Safe For Gabriel As Possible.
I did not sit down and pick and choose who got to stay and who got the boot. And I’d hope any of my friends would understand if Ron did the same thing—as the child’s biological father. (I don’t think he did, I’m just sayin’….)
I don’t think any of my friends unfriended Ron, either….I’m fairly certain everyone understands the difference between loyalty and protection. No one has to worry about protecting their own biological children just because Ron + Sophia hit a road bump.
(Unless he’s yo’ babydaddy. Which introduces a brand new marital issue to deal with).
But hey. You know what? WHAT-EVER. I can’t control what people think and believe based on what they know and what they think they know.
It is what it is. It was what it was. It will be whatever it will be. Life goes on.
But damn, once you adopt that attitude towards a big life event, like a marital separation….it suddenly becomes REALLY EASY to CHOOSE HAPPY.
How can I be sad that I am raising my son in the same home that I grew up in? This home has so many wonderful memories. How can I be sad that my son is spending precious time with Yiayia and Papou? My own Yiayia lived here in this house, in an apartment off the back of the house…from the time I was in high school until she passed away in 1998.
We are no strangers to multi-generational living. This is easy. This is awesome. This is precious time between a 5 year old and his almost 78 year old Papou. This is a blessing.
That photo reassures my heart that this is the right choice, right now, for me and Gabriel. And I can’t control what people think and believe based on what they know and what they think they know. I just know what I know……and I know happiness when I see it.
Once I made the choice to be HAPPY and embrace the changes that have occurred…suddenly my life was filled with activities, projects, good things, blessings, discoveries.
I found a box of things that belonged to MY Yiayia. I can’t wait to look through them.
I found old letters that friends wrote to me. I found pictures…lots and lots of pictures.
I am turning the basement into a play room for G and a work station for me. This is BEYOND thrilling to me. My basement was one of THE places to hang out back in the 80s and 90s. My father sort of turned it into a massive, um…office. But I’m bringing back the Efthymiades basement. And it’s going to be…AHHHHMAYZING. I am having a hard time keeping the details to myself. I am SO excited.
Some other really good things sort of just came out of nowhere but I can’t reveal those good things yet.
Progress is slow…the snowy weather has gotten in the way of some of my plans, plus Gabriel has been super, duper sick this week. But I’m working on it. Chugging away. Cleaning out. Decluttering. Cleaning. Moving. Organizing.
And… Laughing. Happy. Smiling. I’m OK.
Like Glitter & Bruises on Facebook for updates, laughs, and chit chat…until my “Command Central” is established in the basement, it’s been really tough to sit here on this plastic-covered chair and blog for long periods of time. Link HERE.