The buzz on Facebook today is how unseasonably warm it is—it feels more like the first day of Spring…not the first day of Winter.

I haven’t seen anyone mention that this is the one year anniversary of the date the world was supposed to end.

If you’re reading this–congratulations on surviving the, um…apocalypse-type-thing.

No, seriously.  Life didn’t end…it didn’t “end-end.”  We didn’t die off like dinosaurs…our planet didn’t explode, or melt, or get sucked into a black hole.

But if you think about the last 12 months…and give or take a few months, just because the Universe is kinda funny that way…and decide for yourself if Life–as you know it–Came To An End.

Mine did.  Oh God, mine did.  I’m still not OK.  I’m still carrying sorrow, regret, and anger… name a few.

So many doors have slammed shut for me this year, and I’m standing in darkness, and all I want–no, all I need–is the tiniest bit of light to break through the crack of a new door that’s been sealed shut this entire time.

Show me there’s a door that is on the verge of opening.  Because I almost totally don’t believe that anymore.  And I question the Law of Attraction…..have I not contributed enough positivity to the world?  Have I not let my inner light illuminate the way for others who needed encouragement?  Or does it only count when my inner self is radiant…not dim or overcast?

I tried.  I thought I did.  I probably didn’t try hard enough.

So….where am I going with my sad blog post…?  Ah, well… today comes to a close and I’ve shed tears again over my broken life and how I am fighting, CLAWING to regain control, I see this in my Facebook newsfeed.


Dear Raja…Dear Sutan…thank you.  I think I can hang in there a little longer.  At least hold it together through Christmas…for the sake of my son.

I had to thank you above and beyond a “like” or a “comment” on Facebook because you are truly an inspiration to me…in drag, out of drag…on the runway, off the runway…as a makeup artist…as an artist…everything.

It is my goal to help bring awareness to the beauty and art of drag to my friends, family, and complete strangers, and you make it very easy for me to do that because you have unfathomable depth and a higher calling to inspire hope and happiness in others.

This was not the first time (and not the last time, I’m sure) that you’ve spoken to my heart, but I just wanted you to know how moving your words were–on a day where I really needed to hear something positive.  Thank you Raja!  I love you, Sutan!!


Raja Gemini (Sutan Amrull) Winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Season 3)